Celebrating the Beauty in Difference
Date
Everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own skin.
So why are so many of us unhappy with the way we look?
Is it the unattainable standards our society pushes us to strive for? Probably.
Could it be the unrelenting message that beauty is a pre-requisite for success and happiness? Most likely.
Whatever the cause, the consequences are clear. More of us are struggling with the way we look than ever before, and this dissatisfaction starts in childhood. We engage in a range of unhealthy behaviours and invest sums of our money in appearance-focused products – to pursue a beautiful body, to hide our imperfections, to reduce the signs of aging
More of us are unhappy with the way we look than ever before
Now imagine if your appearance differed not only from the beauty ideal, but also from the norm.
That’s the reality for the 1 in 5 people who live with a scar, mark or condition that affects the way they look. Some people are born different, for example, a birthmark or a cleft lip. Others acquire their difference through illness or injury, such as a burn, a skin condition or as the result of cancer treatment. The community tends to refer to these conditions collectively as “visible difference”.
People who are visibly different can experience staring, comments or intrusive questions on a daily basis. They lose the underestimated ability to be anonymous. And they’re more likely to face bullying, stigma and discrimination because of the way they look. This can all have a profound impact on their psychological health and their life opportunities.
Upon meeting someone who looks different, we may feel awkward, embarrassed, or scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. It’s natural for us to be drawn to something that is unusual.
But our society doesn’t help by reinforcing outdated appearance-related stereotypes. How many film or TV villains can you think of who have a facial scar? If one prevailing message is that “what is beautiful is good”, then another is that scars are something to pity, to fear, to be ashamed of.
That’s the reality for the 1 in 5 people who live with a scar, mark or condition that affects the way they look. Some people are born different, for example, a birthmark or a cleft lip. Others acquire their difference through illness or injury, such as a burn, a skin condition or as the result of cancer treatment. The community tends to refer to these conditions collectively as “visible difference”.
Now imagine if your appearance differed not only from the beauty ideal, but also from the norm.
People who are visibly different can experience staring, comments or intrusive questions on a daily basis. They lose the underestimated ability to be anonymous. And they’re more likely to face bullying, stigma and discrimination because of the way they look. This can all have a profound impact on their psychological health and their life opportunities.
Upon meeting someone who looks different, we may feel awkward, embarrassed, or scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. It’s natural for us to be drawn to something that is unusual.
But our society doesn’t help by reinforcing outdated appearance-related stereotypes. How many film or TV villains can you think of who have a facial scar? If one prevailing message is that “what is beautiful is good”, then another is that scars are something to pity, to fear, to be ashamed of.
But isn’t surgery amazing these days?
Surgical techniques to enhance appearance are advancing all the time. But that doesn’t mean that surgery or other medical interventions are the solution. Surgery often fails to produce a long-term change in quality of life or a sustained reduction in appearance concerns. Medical complications can occur, and the outcome may not meet the person’s expectations. Not to mention that many medical interventions are drawn out, painful and disruptive to daily life.
Treatment to change appearance is not the problem in itself, provided it is that person’s informed choice to go ahead.
But should we really expect people to surgically alter the way they look to make the rest of us feel more comfortable?
Something needs to change, and I don’t think it’s them.
So, what’s the alternative?
Instead of buying in to the obstructive messages that persist around appearance, let’s work towards creating environments that are inclusive of difference, starting in our schools. Let’s harness the power of the media to educate our communities about the types and causes of visible difference. And let’s make sure people who are visibly different are appropriately represented on our screens, in fashion, and in everyday life. If we saw people with diverse appearances reflected in all aspects of our society, it would no longer feel so shocking or unfamiliar.
Should we expect people who are different to change, to make the rest of us feel more comfortable?
Societal change takes time, so how about starting closer to home? There is so much more to us than the way we look. Wouldn’t it be better if we spent less time worrying about our appearance and more time pursuing the activities and relationships than fulfil us?
And if you happen to meet someone with a visible difference, say hello! Enjoy a respectful conversation as you would with anyone else. If you’re with a child, explain to them that everyone looks different, and that’s a good thing.
Being different is not something to be fixed. Let’s stand up to unhelpful appearance stereotypes and recognise that appearance diversity is beautiful, and something to celebrate.
Let’s work towards inclusive environments, better education, and appropriate representation of diverse appearances
Celebrating the beauty in difference | Nicola Stock | TEDxBristol (youtube.com)
[TEDxBristol photo(s) – photo credit Jack Wiseall]
